just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
