You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
