Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
