Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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