I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
