I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
