i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
