sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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