What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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