Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
