If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
