I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
farters have to be the big spoon...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
