RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm really busy with my period
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