Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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