Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
