Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
