I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
