So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
