apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
false alarm. still invincible.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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