I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
