I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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