That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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