i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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