The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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