i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
