anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
