the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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