I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the liver wants what the liver wants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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