I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
