Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
