so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
