Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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