I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
