i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
