Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
