Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
