Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
