Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
