I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
