if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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