Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
