The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
