I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i came on her dog
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
