Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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