Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
