New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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