if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
