Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
