still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
