OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
